We recently got a puppy. This is one of the things that we said we would never do because ‘we have too many kids’! The kids persisted and this fall we started our lives as puppy parents too. I had dogs when I was growing up but my parents did most of the work, and quite frankly, I had no idea how much work that was. I was ready for this new adventure and was in love with this little cuddly creature. Over the last few weeks I have realized that having a puppy has a lot of parallels to step parenting. I thought I would share this list of the thoughts I have had that were the same in both situations.
- In the beginning you look at this little child/puppy and think ‘wow I can do this’ I’ve always wanted one.
- They are so adorable and isn’t it cute how your husband plays with them and he is such a good dad.
- The day you become a family is happy and exciting and how hard could this possibly be.
- I had no idea they would miss their first family and mom so much and we have to make our own family. How do we do that. I feel so bad for them for going through this – I have to make it better
- Other people’s comments roll off you as they say ‘wow that was a big thing to take on’, ‘what were you thinking’, ‘lots of people do this it’s not that hard’, ‘this was your choice you signed up for it’.
- Heart to hearts saying ‘I am not your mom and I know you miss her and I am nothing like your mom but I care about you and want to do everything I can to make you happy’.
- Fast forward to ‘OMG what was I thinking, I had no idea what I signed up for or how hard this was going to be’
- I am so emotionally exhausted.
- Raising another person’s child is hard.
- I have no idea how to parent this little creature.
- Hugging in the kitchen – ‘Oh look honey, wink wink, we may get some adult time together’ …oh wait we aren’t alone EVER…someone is trying to sneak in between us.
- Am I doing something wrong or is it genetics. Is this my fault, what did I do wrong is it on me or can I blame this behaviour on their biological parents.
- To my husband ‘why does he listen to you and not to me’ I am saying and doing the exact same things argh! I feed him and care for him and love him and I still get bit.
- I am so sick of picking up other people’s shit.
- Why am I the one doing all the parenting. It’s not even my child. We are in this together step up!
- The sacrifice of caring for this little thing and not being able to just go and do what you want. Was I really that naïve thinking life wouldn’t change.
- Teach them – don’t let them walk all over you put up some healthy boundaries! I don’t care if it’s hard or they are cute it’s necessary!
- Awh they do like me. Look how excited they were to see me and play with me.
- We will get through this together. We are starting to understand each other and in the end all any of us want is to be loved so if you lead with empathy and understand that the behaviour is about how they are feeling the relationship works better.
- Grit. This is something that we need to have. This is one of the biggest predictors of success. Just make sure you don’t lose yourself when you are pushing through.
Whether you are a puppy parent or step parent or both hang in there. Every stage shall pass. Just lead with love and empathy and remember to put up boundaries.