Second. I have been sitting with that concept and that word for quite a while. I never had a problem with being second when I was little. It never occurred to me that second was socially referred to as ‘not as good’ or ‘less than enough’ and more commonly referred to as ‘the first loser’. I was a competitive gymnast when I was growing up and I hated competition. I wanted to do gymnastics to flip and be fit, learn new skills but ultimately to have fun. I loved it. Once I got to a point where my skill level surpassed the ‘rec’ gymnastics level I only had the option of training as a competitive gymnast. The coaching and extra hours to train were only available to competitive gymnasts. So I competed. I did ok in the events that I was strong in and others not so much. However, I loved the atmosphere at the competitions and I loved being with my friends and the team in matching track suits. I loved to flip. There were plenty of competitions where I never placed at all and some where I fell flat on my face…literally. I remember my aunt came to watch a competition when we were in her town and during one of my tumbling warm up runs I landed on my face after opening up too soon in the air and losing my rotation. My aunt thought I broke my neck. I was okay and did end up competing but she couldn’t watch after that. Thinking back now I am proud of my 14 year old self for that and for actually getting out there with my injured pride.
So second didn’t bother me. I was rarely first and when I did come out on top in one event or another I never expected it to continue and definitely never felt pressure from myself or my family to place first again. I was having fun and I loved doing the sport of gymnastics for the sport and the challenge.
When I was 17 I quit. I was competing at a high level and had transitioned to trampoline and tumbling because artistic gymnastics was not my thing. I was not the tiny little artistic gymnast dancing around gracefully and I didn’t enjoy a good chunk of the events. However, I loved to flip. I was stalky and strong with big legs that powered me through. I had a goal to learn one big skill. During the summer camp of my 17th year I was training hard and completed my dream skill and that was it. That was enough for me. I went out on a high note. Not for placing well in a competition but completing my goal.
I wish I looked at life like that more now. Maybe I do more than some. To do things because you love them, not because you are competing to win. You don’t have to be the best or first. You have to have grace when you fail and grit to persevere when things are hard because you want to do those things. Then it’s worth it.
